fuck love give me fire -ba

why is everything and everyone so fucking untrusting and untrustable. is that why some people rely so heavily on science? because its just the facts? no emotional consequence altered thoughts or endangered hearts? it just is. well shouldn't the rest of us just be able to be as well. i fucking hate science, i just throw myself out there hoping for the most fantasy full day expecting the most erratic things to come into my life, get disappointed when they dont, makebelieve and fantasize, read and watch movies, write, paint something, then i go to sleep dreaming of more ecstatic unexpected things. i still wish i could hope even harder though, fill my speech with weird remarks i believe to be true and free my vision to more worlds, because i can never rely on human knowledge and earthly science, just human imagination and the worlds imperfections.
i have to meet the extremes but can never find the end. i think its because there isnt one, and most days, im just not motivated enough to search.
she asked me what that heart was for, and i couldnt even tell her the truth. i drew it, i said, which is true. are you going to put a knife thorugh it? she joked? ...haha... i just wanted to see what it looked like... lie. too many lies if i truly believe that things should just be.
so then, am i hypocritical, yes, of course i am. i always am, always talking and saying shit amongst the parts that actually count. why though. and does it bother me noww?
too many lies and now im doubting them myself.
is this what it comes to for everybody? ultimately? without anyone ever knowing that we are all in this together?
well i hope we find out.