it shows

It's 5:50 am and i am blogging. Its been one of those days (yesterday) and nights (last night) that i just need to pass time, so i've been on this computer for most of that time. i did shit, but it felt good. now i just feel exhausted. inside. i don't know myself as much as id like and id like too much for my own good. i try too hard sometimes, with the simplest things, i wonder if people can see that?
The Antiquity is portrayed as a glorious ancient time, but there was still war and famine and disease. It was the people that made it great, societies learnings and progressing and the overly done stories of those Names we all know. The legends and truths of Gods and art so beautifully defined added to our thinking as well. Well, what happened? In 1000 years maybe new people will believe that we actually believed in Spiderman, that we thought he would come swinging from his web to save us. They will marvel at out stupid wars, they will remember the arts, the dramatics as its our greatest aspect, I think. Will they remember me? My friends? My neighbors? My family? Unless I get to it, my name will be written on some ancient document but nobody will know. Jessica... that means nothing.
Maybe I'll achieve what i aim to accomplish and My name will be remebered too some, but will i even care wherever i go after this. Maybe I'll be one of the ones remebering, it will trigger that last part of my brain, but i will be fooled by it.
Achilles wanted to be remembered, wanted glory. I don't think that's what I want, i just want at least somebody to think of me and think happy things, impact worthy things.
Well, what i want to do is make art and impact.
Instead i just watched Sweeney Todd, but it impacted me.
Now its my turn?
...and the question mark remains, didn't plan on doing that, but its what came out, and that shows alot.

1 comment:

pihzaz said...

Yeah i feel that way too!