wow i understand why she couldnt chose.
its like bella. she was happy until she had to cope with the loss. it changed her, the loss and her new surroundings while she coped. then she was back with her real happiness. but am i too changed to be happy like that now? but here i am and im still happy. then i go here and im for lack of a better word, fake, happy with the memories of the past and knoledge of the present. then she decided to change forever. this change is inevitable for me. she chose the real one not the 'for now, to cope' one. she chose the direction im leaning in, she was always leaning too. I see now why it was so hard, why, like me, she went back and forth. she needed the two, just like i need the two. theres no life withought one, but theres no life without the other too.
can i bring them together like Bella did? thats right, capital B because now i have some respect for her. she was selfish through that whole book, but there was so, so more to it than that.
still got a while to choose i guess, but i'm pretty sure i know my decision. yes. i know it.